Hey Tony

You crossed my mind today as I lay on the chiropractor table. You lay there long enough with your eyes pressed into a pillow and your mind tends to wander. The man next to me was snoring lightly and I was thinking in my pillowy darkness.

I got sober last March — I’m almost at a year — and my mind does a lot of wandering these days. A thought about a past interaction will pop up and I'll either grimace or laugh. I'm getting better at forgiving myself for those I'm embarrassed or ashamed of. Today I was compelled to right these thoughts down, not sure if I would share them.

I was thinking about our interaction a few years ago when we went out one night. Seems like another lifetime. I know memory is malleable, but I remember wanting/needing to stop for a night cap at Johnny D's on the way to yours. We had fun, and that was great. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about any of it, really.

I'm mostly just sorry I was so disconnected. I wish I had been present enough to have better conversation with you and to not be an unwelcome and depressive and mopey house guest for the better part of the next day.

This note is probably mostly for me. You most likely haven't thought about it for a long time, and it's most likely an event of little importance. I just thought I'd share, I guess? Maybe it's of some interest to you. Maybe this is completely weird. Maybe this is an attempt to reach out and connect for a moment, to share my inner world with someone outside. Maybe it's all of those. I don't expect or need you to write back unless you feel you want to.

In any case...

I hope you and life are treating each other wonderfully.