In-Tense-City

I've been anxious. There's a stranger in Vermont to whom I've unknowingly divulged information. Took me a bit to wise up and realize what had happened because he was clever, that one. Or I was too drunk to realize it.

He knows my age, he knows my first and last name, he knows my address. He knew a UPS package of something I ordered was coming to my house the day before it arrived. I don't know if I've been hacked, or if UPS gave up some information they shouldn't have.

I was in the shower the other day and the curtain moved and I jumped, quickly drawing back the curtain. No one was there.

I was walking down the street the other night. I've been trying to smoke weed instead of drinking, but I've only managed to do both at the same time. The weed-induced paranoia, along with a third shadow of myself that showed up because of an additional lighted angle, caused me to audibly gasp and turn around and look to see.... an empty sidewalk.

The other night I was cooking pasta for dinner and I heard a noise from the porch outside the back door. I spent the rest of my cooking time with a knife -- the biggest one I have -- next to me on the table. 

The other night I had a dream. We have peer reviews coming up at work. The reviews were actually done a few months ago, but there hasn't been a good time to release this feedback since before the holidays. In my dream, one of my feedback items from someone was under the "Things to Improve On" section. The item said "The Smell" because I've been getting so drunk so often and losing sleep because of hangovers, and I feel like I smell strongly either of booze or of perfume when I come into work. 

Because of stress and being hungover, my body buzzes with cortisol and I can't fucking sleep. My heartbeat feels irregular and I forget to breathe, so I can't fall asleep for fear of my heart stopping or breathing so shallowly that I stop breathing altogether.

I'm a little fucking anxious right now.